Thursday 17 May 2012

Short Story On Addiction - The Spider and The Fly

As the wind bristled through the trees, a spider weaved its web and the grace by which the web was weaved caught the interest of a passer by. With great delight the spider focused on her audience, "Come play with me while I weave my web", she cried. With intrigue the fly flew to the spider with games to play and curiosity to be met. The fly left his freedom to play and did not seem to care what he left behind. His freedom couldn't have meant much for he cast it aside in an instant. To the fly, the spider moved with grace and charm and in his eyes could do no wrong.

However, you know what happens when a spider meets a fly, do you not? When the fly came to be still standing on a branch the spider leaped through the air arresting him to her web. The fly shrieked in horror, "What is going on here, you told me I had nothing to fear?" The spider replied, "Be still do not be afraid I have only ensnared you in the web I have made. To devour you I would not, but you see I am a spider so naturally I must connive and plot." The fly thought, "If i stay here to live maybe the spider will except what I have to give." So instead of trying to get away the fly stayed content in what could never be. For how can a spider and a fly ever be friends?

As time passed on its gentle merry way the spider was busily about her business increasing her web slowly but sure. As the web increased so did the fly's chances for escape grow less and less. Yet the fly did not seem to care, for he had learned to grab at the crumbs of attention that would fall from passers by. The spider however, had grown bored with the fly and wanted to go on increasing its web, to satisfy its natural desires and ensnaring prey. Although the spider was bored with the fly she did not want him to go as she had become accustomed to seeing him everyday - almost a furniture piece you could say.

Eventually the fly began feeling sick for his freedom. The spider, however, came to suspect this  and thought, "The fly is good for conversation and when I desire it pleasing to my will. No! I will not let him go, I will keep him still." The fly began to make a number of attempts to escape, after all being a fly it was his duty to try and break free. However, his attempts were halfhearted, although, he believed he was sincere enough. He would struggle against the web pulling it so tense it would almost break, then he would give up.
Maybe the fly just forgot what freedom really was. He would say to himself, "It's too hard, I failed, I'm just can't do it", and find he was stuck more than before. Yet he didn't really mind as he seemed to get some cheap thrill out of being bound.

Time again passed its way, till one day after a dreadful fight with the spider, the fly pondered; "Who am I to be deceived. In the spider's heart friendship could never be. She does not care about me, only a conversation piece I am to be. Oh, I long to be free and to have escaped this insanity. How I wish to fly, to once again know the freedom in the sky. Freedom to have you again, the strength I need would you please send." With determination and genuine effort the fly struggled and at last broke free from the sticky web. "At last freedom from my prison of silk!" he exclaimed. Upon reaching a safe distance the fly turned to see his prison one last time. The spider was frantic. Dismayed she said, "I've lost my fly, I've lost my fly. What will I do, What will I do? Increase my web to ensnare, my web with another I will share."  As the fly looked back he was amazed for not even the spider knew, lurking in the shadows watching all this time was her creator, the one who supplied her with such treacherous desire.

Poem - Lend Me Your Hope

Lend me your hope for awhile,
I seem to have mislaid mine.
Lost and hopeless feelings accompany me daily,
pain and confusion are my companions.
I know not where to turn; looking ahead to future times does
not bring forth images of renewed hope.
I see troubled times, pain-filled days, and more tragedy.

Lend me your hope for awhile,
I seem to have mislaid mine.
Hold my hand and hug me;
listen to my ramblings, recovery seems so far distant.
The road to healing seems like a long and lonely one.

Lend me your hope for awhile,
I seem to have mislaid mine.
Stand by me, offer me your presence, your heart and your love.
Acknowledge my pain, it is so real and ever present.
I am overwhelmed with sad and conflicting thoughts.

Lend me your hope for a while;
a time will come when I will heal,
and I will share my renewal,
hope and love with others.

Adapted from the poem “Lend Me Your Hope,” author unknown – taken from 
Neil T Anderson's, “Victory Over The Darkness”. Regal Books, 2000.

Wednesday 16 May 2012

Overcoming The Darkness: Borderline Personality Disorder & Me

I have made this video to detail my struggles with Borderline Personality Disorder. It is my hope that this video will help shed some light on a gravely misunderstood illness & to diminish the stigma surrounding it.

Poem - All Inside (The Waring In my Mind)


Chained together in one place,
each one despising the other, 
both making arguments which portray their nature.
One wanting wholeness & balance, desiring to be selfless.
The other to fulfill selfish appetites for pleasure.
One trying in earnest to plant roots in fertile soil,
the other wanting to reap anarchy & chaos.
Both fighting for dominance, 
both labours delivered by one hand.
One, weak & tired from resisting, 
yields to the screaming tantrums of the other.
One petrified of the other being exposed,
wears a mask to conceal the truth.
One plus one equals two or is it one?
But how, when bitter & sweet waters can't flow from the same stream?
All exists within one person, all within one mind.