Borderline Music Playlist

The following playlist are songs that I and others feel relate to what is like to have Borderline Personality Disorder & how those afflicted with this illness more often than not feel about themselves and others. Thanks to all those that contributed their suggestions for this list it is really appreciated.

Poem - Borderline

I was once a happy, innocent little boy,

but now I'm broken and I don't know why.

All my pain buried deep down inside,

is it any wonder I want to curl up and die.

Slithers of glass shredding my soul,

craving warmth but feeling only cold.

Knowing how to behave,

but subject to a chaotic emotional rage.

Who am I because I don't know?

Words spoken in haste,

leaving friendships in a tattered waste.

Wanting to be accepted I push you away,

why would you want to stay?

Wanting beauty but feeling pain,

even breathing is an awkward strain.

Damaged, reject, pariah, psycho,

many more names adorn my soul,

I just want to be loved and made whole.

Why has love forsaken me?

Why can't I be set free?

Am I not beautiful?

I am a person after all.

Where is the the love that I deserve?

Instead a meal of vile iniquity I'm served.

Trapped in the miry clay,

please help me I don't want to stay.

Will I come to my end with despair my only friend.

Constantly battling the war inside,

God help me because I don't want to die.

I long for a place to call home,

but instead I suffer alone.

Where is the promise of hope?

Am I just a cruel joke?

Darkness comes and envelopes me,

demons screaming to break free.

A war inside my mind,

yet peace and happiness are all I want to find.

Please deliver me from all this strife,

before the darkness overtakes me and I take my life.

Poem - 13

Poem - Relapse (Cutting)

Hello my old friend, I'm facing you again. 

I threw you away, abandoned you on the road side 16 years ago. 

You cried out for me in the mirror as I drove away. 

Only you knew the truth, why I summoned your help to cope with my pain.

You caressed and comforted me while I bled. 

Stress running from my veins, the pain screaming out of me. 

I was so alone, tortured, hating me was all to much fun. 

How did I get so lost that you've entered my mind, way to eager to offer your help once more. 

You heard my silent screams, my yearning for tears that won't come. 

Like a cancer the darkness grows. 

Once again you offer to carry me away to your empty bliss. 

I'm feel all alone & there's no one who understands. 

There's no one good no not one, a brood of vipers with nothing but venom on their lips. 

So why should I expect to be treated any different. 

Blood & comfort are all you can offer. 

Not judging or debating my choices, only a bleeding wound. 

Your help is clothed in shame, fuelling disdain, contempt already felt. 

Conveniently you leave that unsaid. 

How did all this darkness come to envelop me?

I'm not a servant I'm a son, so why are you creeping in? 

Blinded to your ever growing advance. 

Slowly you've been biding your time knowing I would eventually fall. 

At my weakest moment you bared your face, all puffed up as my only friend which to call. 

Abandon all ye hope you scream in my head,

making me cry I wish I was dead. 

Surrounded by so many yet so alone, so ashamed I bear it on my own. 

People speaking without words, being ignored says it all. 

Drowning in darkness gasping for air, silently screaming I'm dying inside. 

People's expectations of recovery don't allow for relapse, assigning me to the to hard basket once more. 

My light is hidden under a bushel instead of shinning in the night. 

I so much want to share but do not dare. 

Stigma and judgement blind the minds of those that do not understand. 

So many around me not knowing I'm screaming in agony, all to adept at wearing the mask 'All is fine'.

Why greet me with "How are you" if you don't want to know? 

Each day I bow & pray to the god I have made, whose prophets endlessly share their wares. 

Where is my great shepherd? 

Endlessly I wander not in green pastures but in thorns & thistles. 

I've lost my way and don't know how to get home.

Is it any wonder my old friend you grace my door once again.